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The Romantic Misadventures of :iconlixxle:Lixxle 13 23
Mature content
The Romantic Misadventures of :iconlixxle:Lixxle 8 6
Literature
The Romantic Misadventures of
The Romantic Misadventures of Sarah Williams (Ch5)
Sarah Williams experienced her third romantic disappointment on the eve of her senior prom.
She had dressed beautifully for the occasion in a gown of forest green taffeta, with a sweetheart bodice and a puffed skirt. She had decided to wear her hair half up and held in place with a shiny barrette, the rest cascading artfully around her bare shoulders. Four strings of pearls were gaily festooned around her throat.
When her father saw her walk down the stairs, a little wobbly in her heels, he had demanded that she climb right back up and put on something more respectable.
In a surprising show of female solidarity, Karen had told her father that the strapless gown was not too grown up at all, and that Sarah's green eye-shadow and red lipstick were in keeping with the current fashion (and not something that ladies of the night would wear, thank you very much!). Karen also stated, quite firmly, that Sarah looked ab
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Literature
The Romantic Misadventures of
The Romantic Misadventures of Sarah Williams (Ch4)
Sarah Williams experienced her second romantic disappointment under an elm tree in her favorite park on a cold November evening.
In an attempt to drive her misbegotten First Kiss from her mind, she had turned her considerable attentions to finding the perfect target for her Second Kiss. This time, she would ensure that her plans were sensible albeit romantic; that her target was both suitable and accessible; and that the experience was romantic and Cheetos-free.
And once she found the lucky male worthy of her Second Kiss, woe betide anyone—including the man himself—who got in her way.
Marco Bryce was easily the most attractive male in her year. He was pleasingly tall with piercing blue eyes, thick dark hair, and the kind of confidence that comes from having an acne-free adolescence and an aptitude for football. To Sarah, he was a walking, talking Second Kiss in acid washed jeans.
The probl
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Literature
The Romantic Misadventures of
The Romantic Misadventures of Sarah Williams (Ch3)
So, with Hoggle's endorsement still ringing in her ears, Sarah began planning her First Kiss with the single-minded focus of a fifteen year old woman trying to escape a lava-encrusted fate.
All she needed was a man—any man—to kiss. She wondered if she could simply pounce on some unsuspecting boy at school, accomplish the deed, and then run off.
Or, perhaps it would be better to do it outside of school so that she wouldn't have to deal with any uncomfortable consequences.
She sighed. Although The Plan would ensure that she remained lava-free, it would probably lead her on the merry path toward a sexual assault charge.
That evening, however, as she was finalizing her plans, the unthinkable happened—her hormones woke up. Stretching luxuriantly, they surveyed the situation, noted that an interaction with the opposite sex was imminent, and startled to meddle most gleefully.
Suddenly, Sarah became somewhat.
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Literature
The Romantic Misadventures of
The Romantic Misadventures of Sarah Williams (Ch2)
But she was worried...just a little. Which was...worrying.
After Hoggle left, she began to mentally weigh-up the pros and cons of this latest adventure.
Pros: True Love (at an inconvenient time).
Cons: Contact with dragons; unknown villain (most likely a megalomaniac fae with a Grimm fetish); lengthy stay in tower with lava-pool views; possible non-existence of True Love; high likelihood of rescue by chicken after hundreds of years waiting in the tower; not being able to see Toby grow up; Broadway plans put on hold indefinitely.
After carefully contemplating her list, it was clear that the Cons list was winning by a landslide, given that the only Pro was the slim possibility of True Love. And besides, she wondered: Was True Love really that much of a Pro? After all, her Dad and Karen were more than happy and their relationship certainly wasn't the stuff of fairytale
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Literature
The Romantic Misadventures of
The Romantic Misadventures of Sarah Williams (Ch1)
Sarah Williams experienced her first romantic disappointment just two days shy of her sixteenth birthday. For the record, it was all Hoggle's fault (even if he did have the best of intentions).
At the time, Sarah hadn't even been thinking of her love life...or the lack thereof. She had simply been sitting on the porch with Merlin after completing her chores, enjoying the Spring sunshine and sipping lemonade.
That is, until Hoggle suddenly burst through one of the hedges at the back of the garden.
"YOU," he yelled, puffing and red-faced as he hobbled hurriedly toward her, "attract trouble like Ludo attracts rocks."
He shook one stubby finger at her in an accusatory fashion and then abruptly bent forward, hands on his knees, desperately trying to catch his breath.
Sarah looked at the Hoggle-shaped hole in her newly-clipped hedge and then down at the dwarf, who was still struggling to breathe normally.
"What are you talki
:iconLixxle:Lixxle
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Literature
Chapter 1: The one with the la
The Romantic Misadventures of Sarah Williams
Chapter 1: The one with the lava
Sarah Williams experienced her first romantic disappointment just two days shy of her sixteenth birthday. For the record, it was all Hoggle's fault (even if he did have the best of intentions).
At the time, Sarah hadn't even been thinking of her love life...or the lack thereof. She had simply been sitting on the porch with Merlin after completing her chores, enjoying the Spring sunshine and sipping lemonade.
That is, until Hoggle suddenly burst through one of the hedges at the back of the garden.
"YOU," he yelled, puffing and red-faced as he hobbled hurriedly toward her, "attract trouble like Ludo attracts rocks."
He shook one stubby finger at her in an accusatory fashion and then abruptly bent forward, hands on his knees, desperately trying to catch his breath.
Sarah looked at the Hoggle-shaped hole in her newly-clipped hedge and then down at the dwarf, who was still struggl
:iconLixxle:Lixxle
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Literature
Christmas Pretty: Ch5
Chapter 5: On the second hour till Christmas, my true love gave to me (a naked dwarf and a piece of broccoli)
Two hours till Christmas
By the time the members of the Aboveground raiding party (code name: 'Get Christmas or Get Bogged') finally entered the throne room with their sacks full of pilfered Christmas bounty, Jareth had been pacing the dais long enough to leave a path of glitter an inch thick on the stone floor. More disturbingly, his boots were getting pointier-and his lips glossier-by the second. The goblins noticed these ominous changes and quickly shuffled into the room.
"Well, it's about bloody time," Jareth announced, narrowing his eyes at the bulky red sacks that the goblins had dragged into the room (though he secretly approved of the fact that many of the objects within appeared to be shiny).
But before he could beckon the goblins over to him, Squibble broke away from the mob, ran over to an ale barrel, and hugged it.
"It's so good to be home," he sobbed joyousl
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Literature
Christmas Pretty: Ch4
Chapter 4: The Truth is More Seasonal Than Delusion (or 'Ja-reth the Goblin King/Wasn't a very jolly soul/With glitter-shadow eyes/And leather-clad thighs/He was mighty sexy though')
The small goblin posse ran into the throne room and were greeted by a great cheer from their peers. The King looked up from his crystal and beckoned them forward.
"Tell me what you have learnt," he said, tersely.
"She's sad about Christmas," said Ignor, adjusting his sieve hat.
Jareth lips curled into a sneer. "Christmas? That ridiculously puerile holiday with all the good cheer?"
The goblins nodded heartily.
"But why would she…?" He slapped his forehead in realization. "Of course! Sarah mentioned something about Christmas—her family is going away or some such thing."
"Yep," said Squibble.
"Hawaii," answered Skeep, patting his hula skirt fondly.
Jareth threw his hands into the air and spun around on the spot. "Ha!" he cried triumphantly. "This is easily remedied. She is distressed because
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Literature
Christmas Pretty: Ch3
Chapter 3: Sarah's Dreaming of a White Christmas (and bordello jumpsuits)
Sarah Williams—Champion of the Labyrinth and Queen of the Goblin Kingdom—had spent the better part of the day sitting on a moss-covered bench in the Queen's Garden. In fact, she had spent the better part of the last two days in the walled garden that Hoggle and the other dwarf gardeners had built for her as a wedding present. Yet, despite the hours she had spent in the garden, she remained completely oblivious to the strange beauty of her surroundings; she didn't notice the profusion of flowers that had opened especially for her as she paced across the soft, golden grass, or the fairies who watched curiously from amongst the silvery petals. She didn't even notice the soothing lilt of running water as it defied gravity and cascaded up into the glittery, sandstone fountain. Luckily for Jareth, she was also completely oblivious to the fact that her husband and his subjects were currently watching he
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Literature
Christmas Pretty:Ch2
Chapter 2: Even Voyeurism Has Its Downside (or "Jareth sees you when you're dreaming/He knows when you're awake...or eating breakfast...or sitting in the garden...or stepping into the shower. Especially the shower")
Jareth, King of the Goblins, Master of the Labyrinth, and survivor of twenty-two assassination attempts-seven of which were masterminded by a chicken and her freezer-alligator accomplice-watched the posse of goblins leave the throne room with a feeling of dread. He contemplated bursting into song about his dilemma-something soulful and angst-ridden, perhaps with a cello solo-but thought better of it; it would not do to have his subjects know the true depth of his concern. And besides, he was still a little winded from the defenestration number.
He sighed and looked into the crystal yet again. There was something wrong with his wife. Sarah was a force of nature; typically, she moved through the kingdom like a brunette tornado, instigating new schemes for the benefit o
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Literature
Christmas Pretty:Ch1
Christmas Pretty
On the first Underground Christmas, Sarah's true love gave to her…well, it was the thought that counts. A Christmas story of leather, goblins and the odd stunted unicorn.  
AN #1: Never in my wildest, Goblin King-encrusted dreams did I plan on writing a Christmas fic, especially not a sequel to 'My Fine Feathered Friend'; that is, of course, until I saw Pika-la-Cynique's mega squee-inducing pic of Skeep entitled 'Christmas Pretty'. Behold it (and Skeep's shiny toes) in all its glory on her deviantart page (or check out the link in the comments below).
DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Labyrinth, Christmas, kicking boots, or jewel-y, jewel-y, black armor. All I want for Christmas is the Goblin King in my Christmas stocking. How he chooses to wear the aforementioned Christmas stocking is entirely up to him...
Chapter 1: The Perils of Peach Lipgloss (or "Oh Goblin King/Oh Goblin King/Your boots are just so pointy)
It has often been sa
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Literature
Of Pineapples and Kings: P2
Of Pineapples and Kings: Part 2
The atmosphere on the street was electric. The moon was rising, the sugar consumption was high, and Sarah could not stop smiling as Jareth deftly maneuvered them through the crowds of children.
“Try not to snatch anyone,” she said mischievously.
Jareth sighed sadly. “But there are so many that take my fancy. Particularly that one,” he said, pointing to the boy dressed as a pineapple who had almost fallen backwards under the weight of his leafy headdress.
As they walked around a tree, a small boy in a white gown ran into Jareth, who reached down reflexively to steady him. Jareth took one look at the boy’s white painted face and grimaced. “Good lord! Has someone drained all the blood from this poor child?”
Sarah smirked. “He’s a ghost.”
“I’m dead!” the child said gleefully.
Jareth bent down toward the child. “Don’t worry, I shall avenge you,” he said, solemnly.
The kid
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Literature
Of Pineapples and Kings: P1
Of Pineapples and Kings: Part 1
Author’s Note: Come closer to the fire, my sweets and let ol’ Lixxle tell you a story that will send a shiver down your spine. Beware, my little ones! For this tale of shadows has awakened fear in the stoutest heart and made grown men cower beneath their …oh who the hell am I kidding? I can’t write horror; I can only write crotch-rich stories that border on crackfic (crotch-crack, if you will). So here it is—sickly-sweet Halloween crotch-crack. Really, you’ll have to floss after you finish it.
***
“Explain to me,” said Jareth, reaching rather indolently for the last cinnamon cookie, “what it is that you do on Halloween.”
“Hey! That one’s mine!” Sarah yelled indignantly.
She tried to slap his hand away but he was far too quick. She had learned over the past three months that you really couldn’t slap Jareth unless he allowed it. The fact that he allowed it more often than n
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Literature
The Gift That Keeps Giving:Ch4
Epilogue: The Gift That Keeps Giving
One Year Later
Jareth closed his eyes and carefully pinched the bridge of his nose.
It was his birthday.
Again.
And just like his birthday the year before…and the year before that…and the year before that (he winced at just how many ‘year before thats’ there actually were), he found himself in the throne room surrounded by his cretinous subjects, who at this moment were doing their very best to make him feel faintly suicidal. As he watched their disturbing attempts to entertain him, he was suddenly struck by the depressing realization that he would probably be doing  the exact same thing on his birthday next year. And the year after that...and the year after that...and the year after that...   
“Bloody immortality,” he muttered to himself.
A sudden high-pitched wailing sound tore through the air, disturbing his train of thought. Jareth grimaced and looked up at the ceiling.
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Activity


*taps mike* Testing, testing...is this thing on? IS THIS THING ON?

I don't know about you, but I think the entire world deserves a round of applause just for making it through 2016 (let's never mention that year again). That's not to say we emerged unscathed: thanks to 2016, I'm a little pointier, and itchier, and slightly more feral, and possibly an inch shorter than I was in 2015.

But I have high hopes for this year (she says, shutting down her facebook page and burning all newspapers).

I just wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who is still reading and reviewing my stories both on ffnet and here. It means the whole world to me. THE WHOLE WORLD. Let me explain--I am currently trying to write an original novel and it sucks. It utterly sucks (the process of writing not the content. Actually, the content may also suck. It may suck more than the process. Or they may suck equally. Great, something else to worry about. Hang on, I'm getting off topic--I was praising you. Let me get back to the praise).

As I was saying: it seems that whenever things become Truly Dire (when my inspiration dries up, when my Muse kicks me in the kneecaps and runs off, laughing; when I can't decide whether to dress my hero in leather pants or tight leather pants), a review arrives in my inbox and MAKES MY DAY. Those reviews are ambrosia--a shot of pure adrenaline delivered straight to the feels.

So, not to make this awkward, but I love you (in a platonic, non adult-type fashion). And if you're having problems writing your masterpiece, let me know. We struggling art folk need to procrastinate together. We probably also need to go online drunk karaoke-ing together, too, but the technology doesn't exist to make that possible...yet. But when it does, we will do the best rendition of  'I will survive' ever heard in the free world.

Keep being you, awesome people. Keep being you... xx

deviantID

Lixxle
Lisa
Australia
Favourite genre of music: Emo-esque country-and-western style operas
Favourite photographer: The fellow who took my passport photo was pretty good
Operating System: I'm technologically challenged so this is a trick question for me
MP3 player of choice: iPod. It's my happy place
Shell of choice: Conch. Why do I get the feeling that 'conch' is not a legitimate answer...?
Skin of choice: This question sounds either cannibalistic or pornographic. I'm going to pass...
Personal Quote: "How did those feral gerbils get in there?"
Interests
*taps mike* Testing, testing...is this thing on? IS THIS THING ON?

I don't know about you, but I think the entire world deserves a round of applause just for making it through 2016 (let's never mention that year again). That's not to say we emerged unscathed: thanks to 2016, I'm a little pointier, and itchier, and slightly more feral, and possibly an inch shorter than I was in 2015.

But I have high hopes for this year (she says, shutting down her facebook page and burning all newspapers).

I just wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who is still reading and reviewing my stories both on ffnet and here. It means the whole world to me. THE WHOLE WORLD. Let me explain--I am currently trying to write an original novel and it sucks. It utterly sucks (the process of writing not the content. Actually, the content may also suck. It may suck more than the process. Or they may suck equally. Great, something else to worry about. Hang on, I'm getting off topic--I was praising you. Let me get back to the praise).

As I was saying: it seems that whenever things become Truly Dire (when my inspiration dries up, when my Muse kicks me in the kneecaps and runs off, laughing; when I can't decide whether to dress my hero in leather pants or tight leather pants), a review arrives in my inbox and MAKES MY DAY. Those reviews are ambrosia--a shot of pure adrenaline delivered straight to the feels.

So, not to make this awkward, but I love you (in a platonic, non adult-type fashion). And if you're having problems writing your masterpiece, let me know. We struggling art folk need to procrastinate together. We probably also need to go online drunk karaoke-ing together, too, but the technology doesn't exist to make that possible...yet. But when it does, we will do the best rendition of  'I will survive' ever heard in the free world.

Keep being you, awesome people. Keep being you... xx

Comments


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:iconquarter-virus:
Quarter-Virus Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2017  Professional Filmographer
Hi Lixxle!

I stumbled across your writing when re-igniting my love for Pika's Girls Next Door, and I have just spent the last week reading all of your work uploaded here and loving every second of it. If you want an idea of how bad it was, I would smuggle my phone into the toilets at work and read your fictions on the tiny screen for hours at a time, just because I wanted to know what happened, and your quirky, enjoyable writing style never failed to brighten my day.

I'm kind of at a loss now at what to do now!!

I did read your journal when coming to your page, and I hope you never stop writing. So many things feel like they're going to pot these days, but it would be an absolute shame to lose such a bright spark. Regardless how you may feel writing your own novel (I know the pain, but it's comics for me) just know that your work brightens our days, and help put a smile on my face :)

Hope you are doing well!!
Reply
:iconangry-small-friend:
Angry-Small-Friend Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2016  Professional General Artist
Hi Lixxle!

My name is Hannah.

Um, I've been a fan of your work for years now, kind of in the background, and I just wanted to say how much I love your writing. I love the structure, the pacing, word-choice, everything. You're really good at it.

I wanted to thank you for all of your Labyrinth work, because your ideas and writings are some of my absolute favorites and it's so much fun having someone as talented as you in the fandom. It's probably one of the highest quality randoms out there.

I understand how people evolve and change over time, and how life can get in the way of the things you would like to work on. Schooling and jobs and whatnot usually come first when it becomes a choice of how to spend your time and effort.

But it still means a lot to me to have you as a part of the Labyrinth community. It's one of my favorite movies ever and I've recently felt a call back to it stronger than it's been in years. So you and some of the other top tier Labyrinth artists and writers have been on my mind lately.

I just wanted to make sure you knew how grateful I am, and how lovely your work is. You've really done a fantastic job. I hope you're doing well. And thank you so very much! :D
Reply
:iconlixxle:
Lixxle Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2016
I. AM. FLAILING. AROUND. MY. HOUSE right now after reading this painfully-beautiful comment! I am messaging you immediately (well, immediate is relative. I only just read it). 

HANG ON!
Reply
:icontmwillson3:
tmwillson3 Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
I hope you had an amazing birthday today! :-) :cake:
Reply
:iconlixxle:
Lixxle Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2015
This is a belated note to say that you are glorious and wonderful ;)
Reply
:icontmwillson3:
tmwillson3 Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks! :D Right back at you! :-)
Reply
:iconirislady:
Irislady Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2014
Happy birthday!!! :)
Reply
:iconlixxle:
Lixxle Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2015
Why thank you! (she says, a year late, because she forgot her deviant art login). You are magnificent :)
Reply
:icondazzling93:
Dazzling93 Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Happy birthday talented person!! :cake: :party: :kiss: :hug:  thanks for making all the wonderful stories :) Have a great day!
Reply
:iconlixxle:
Lixxle Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2015
And thank you for the greetings (she says, a year later because she forgot her deviantart login. Go me!). Thank you, you glorious creature, you!
Reply
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